Friday, 19 February 2016

The End is in My Beginning

For latecomers to this frivolous e-byway please be aware that this blog has reached its natural conclusion - and this is the final entry. To be fully appreciated the complete narrative should be savoured from the beginning (which can be accessed from the side menu).Alternatively  you may wish to discover what happened when some of the eccentric characters mentioned herein decided to decamp to the Welsh (or English) border village of Gwair. To explore that mind-bending cognitive microcosm click  here.

Tuesday, 31 December 2013

The Book of Future Creaivity

On the final day the residents continue with their seasonal celebrations. As the streets quieten, Rabbi Oud Ramonides approaches the roundabout with his shovel, and digs around until he finds the object of his quest. He removes the casket containing the Urim and Thummin, and takes it to his laboratorium where he cleanses the surface grime. Opening the scroll of the Book of Future Creaivity, he places the two golden cylinders on the diagram of 2014. This effectively repowers the Internet as a force for good.  Outside the gentle snow starts to scatter new year greetings, and the ciblog story ends.

Monday, 30 December 2013

Embroidery, Epigenetics, Crocheting and Taxidermy

On the day after the conflagration the residents of Seven Dials gather to view the results. The Convent of Theodora, and the premises of Madam Cosima’s Personal Services Agency are both completely destroyed. Remarkably Moudi’s, located between the two ashen sites, is relatively unharmed suffering only minor smoke damage. Hedre and Tabitha’s studio is also intact. Sister Veracitude and Madam Cosima meet to reconcile their differences, but the remaining nuns agree to move out to Little Porrit where they will join the Cruxicogentian Retreat. Meanwhile Cosima’s young ladies all decide to take up morally improved careers (embroidery, epigenetics, crocheting and taxidermy).

Sunday, 29 December 2013

Conflict - back to normality

The seasonal festivities are interrupted by increased conflict between convent and brothel.  No-one witnesses the start of the arson attack, and no-one claims responsibility, so it is never determined who has perpetrated this invidious crime. Some claim it was an accident resulting from the abbreviated five minute performance of Gotterdammerung by the Old Chapel Musical Ensemble at the start of the abortive second opening ceremony of the Seven Dials Roundabout. All the fire-fighting efforts are focused on extinguishing the flames that are threatening the Great Elm tree, so no-one notices as both the Convent and the Brothel are consumed in flames.

Friday, 27 December 2013

A week's holiday in Menorca

McGonagall’s Writer’s Café is full of scribblers attempting to beat the ‘Write a Novel in One and a half hours’ challenge sponsored by Plover’s Stationers. Competitors must use only paper and pencils purchased from the sponsor. The prize is a packet of blue index cards, but it is the sense of achievement that counts. Ahmed is fed up with his rival, and issues a ‘Write a Ph.D. thesis in two hours’ challenge. For a prize he offers a week’s holiday in Menorca. However as fares are not included, and accommodation is in an army surplus frame tent, few people are tempted.

Thursday, 26 December 2013

Under the weather

Yevgeny Huxtable is playing the piano transcription of Liszt's symphonic poem Prometheus at the Old Chapel Boxing Day musical lunch, when he suddenly falls ill with nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. He is overwhelmed with a stabbing headache, muscle aches, and paresthesia. The doctor who attends him takes one look at the plates of trigger fish on the tables, and the nervous faces of the audience, and declares a local epidemic of ciguatera poisoning. He is fortunately mistaken as Huxtable is a notorious hyperchondriac, and is merely suffering a regular hangover. Ciguatera is caused by a toxin which affects the nervous system.

Wednesday, 25 December 2013

Winterval dinners

Sister Porigamy breaks her vow of silence, and stands at the roundabout waving the flag of the Moral Crusaders of Chastity. ‘I’m calling a spade a spade,’ she declares to the empty streets, as the residents of Seven Dials sit down to their warming Winterval Dinners of braised tofu and sprouts. ‘The Personal Services Agency is nothing more than a sordid brothel!’ Concerned, the pragmatic Sister O’Higgins brings her a chalice of mulled brandy and tempts her back indoors, before cycling across the hills to visit her brother, Spartacus, for a traditional turkey and stuffing platter while they watch the Queen.

Tuesday, 24 December 2013

The Rabbi’s quest on Christmas Eve

On Christmas eve, Rabbi Oud Ramonides visits the local Great Elm Preservation Society, and discovers a pile of dusty texts. With the help of Rev. Lanzarotte he ascertains that the Seven Dials roundabout was built on the intersection of two lay lines. This has to be the location of the camphorwood casket containing the Urim and Thummin which would have been buried here in the fourth century (after the mediterranean earthquake) on the Tuesday after the Romans left. He scuttles along to the roundabout where he hears strange emanations from the Christmas Tree – eerie sounds of meditating wildebeest singing Christmas carols.

Sunday, 22 December 2013

The Central Devir of the Web

Whilst the daily altercations between Madam Cosima’s ladies and Sister Veracitude’s nuns continue, Rabbi Oud Ramonides presses on with his mediation. Their intransigence however finally defeats him and in frustration he flings his sonic monkey wrench into the air. It hits his iPad and activates the Arucharian program he has been working on. This generates a password that worms its way into the central devir of the Web. Suddenly the inner workings of the Internet are revealed, and show beyond doubt that it is not a distributed system, but centrally controlled by the very Urim and Thummim that Ramonides is seeking. 

Saturday, 21 December 2013

Cleromantic objects rediscovered

Rabbi Oud Ramonides has always known about the Urim and Thummim - האורים והתומים - the cleromantic objects used in the First Temple, and long thought to be used for divination. The Talmudic view (despite Josephus) is that they were lost when the Babylonians sacked the Temple. However from his dusty scrolls Ramonides has discovered that they were safely carried into exile, and thereafter moved around the area of the Caspian Sea in a camphorwood casket, until they reached Daşoguz in Turkmenistan. During the 365 AD earthquake they floated across the Mediterranean, and round Gibraltar to the South Coast of England.

Thursday, 19 December 2013

Trailing the end

As part of the seasonal festivities, Moudi's and McGonagall’s join forces to serve mulled Guinness to the queues outside the literary event  at the Yifitsin Print Bookshop where Samuel Quinine has arranged a  massive book-signing for the publication of Ophelia Hedre’s new novel ‘Barely Kedgeree’. Meanwhile Rabbi Oud Ramonides has realised that he only need the Convoluted Space-Time equation in order to find the exact location of the holy object of his lifetime quest. He consults his Theoretical Arucharian mentor, Demon Baal, who has just flown in (from New Caledonia) for another delayed celebratory re-opening of the new Seven Dials Roundabout.

Tuesday, 17 December 2013

The iPad of Oud Ramonides

In the cold rain Rabbi Oud Ramonides is again wandering around the newly completed Seven Dials Roundabout. And not without reason. His study of the Kabbalah has pointed to one thing. The object of his life's quest is hereabouts. He is not sure where, or how it reached here, but he is certain beyond belief (yes, even Ramonides himself would say 'beyond belief'). Curiously he has with him, his iPad, for he has discovered something about the Internet that will throw all belief into doubt, and all doubt into belief. He must now fit together the final pieces of the puzzle.